Recovery 1

I'm still in the recovering stages of a lot of things.
The only one I want to share is over coming a long term friend... relationship.
This relationship made me forget simple things. I can't decipher the difference between a friendship and a relationship (referring to serious long term relationships). I can't tell if someone wants to date me or just want to get in bed with me. That is actually the answer to most peoples questions by the way. They always ask me why I seem to give off a 'I don't give a f*** attitude'. Well let's just say that a lot has happened the last .. let's say six or so years.
School made it easy to meet other kids. So the more kids you meet the more likely you will like them as a friend or more than a friend. Being a kid has simple rules. I'll share my toys if you share your toys. I'll let you have my pudding if you give me your rootbeer float and so on. It was short and simple. Middle school seems to be the start of all my bull sh**. I'm not even going to mention the other things. I just want to focus on one.
I meet him in seventh grade. I made a friend in sixth which eventually turned into one of my best guy friends and he had a girlfriend at the time. I will name her  N and my bestfriend will be E. E and N eventually broke up as fast as all middle school relationships do haha. Just saying. E ended up getting in a lot of drama dating her. N got furious every time I hung out with E. The thing is he was just always around me and my gang of friends. Things happened and they broke up. Seventh grade happens and we find out that N is dating a new guy. Of course we don't care but she likes to shove it in everyone's face including mine because she ends up becoming my play sister. She really liked forcing herself at people she hated. Okay so we are having class and I went to the bathroom, and I know everyone has strolled SUPER DOOPER slow back to class when we can and I did too. And I see this guy coming out of my class and I just stare at him as I'm getting really close. He holds the door for me and waits on the side. And I just blurt out, 'Aren't you N's boyfriend?!' and he just looks at me with this blank look and says ' yeeah.I guess.' I walked into class. I didn't see that guy at all the whole year. Eighth grade rolls around and he ends up being in 4 of my classes. We get so close. Okay he will be named A. We just get super close that every one assumes we are dating no matter where we go and who is around. We were just really best friends. I have no idea why but when I was young I started to realize that I didn't call my real best friends 'best friend' because I didn't know yet. The people that I thought should..  I just wanted them to be..