Moving Forward

First, I would like to say that I passed my exam and I am now a certified nursing assistant. YAY! I've now stepped on my first stone to my career. I love this field so much and I have a passion for it. I was anxious and crap when I finished my school requirements and I had some breakdowns. Some anxiety attacks that I couldn't even go to school to review for the state exam. I locked myself in my room and didn't even see anyone. I tried calling one of my younger sisters, Nikki, but she didn't answer me like I knew she wouldn't. Nikki lives in Irvine because she goes to UCI on a full scholarship. The only thing she has to pay is transportation and living expenses which she got a job at forever 21 for. I think. She keeps making my parents pay for her rent when all the other siblings (we are five girls in all. I am the eldest. and she is the second) know that she makes way more than she says to them and pay her rent no problem with so much more extra. I know I'm making it seem like she's the bad sister and all. I'm really just telling the truth. I know that going to college is suppose to be the most selfish portion of your life and all that jazz, but why take and keep taking when we have nothing down here in San Diego and we are continuously struggling. She only calls to ask for money. She hasn't even talked to me this whole month that I have had school. When I really needed her she wasn't there at ALL. She is my other as Mario is to Luigi. We are closer than any other. And yet she's ignoring everything from me. Ignoring my phone calls, text messages, voice mails, and everything. I feel like I have no hope of talking to my twinnie. I feel so sad and lonely because we haven't talked or anything since she came to visit. I think I'm loosing her because she thinks I'm asking for money when I'm not. I just want to talk to her, and reconnect and just be stupid on the phone with her. I miss her so damn much that I'm always tearing when I call her/ text her and she doesn't answer. I feel like I'm invisible to her now and I've just gone into oblivion. I scan through the pictures on my laptop or my phone and I just really sad when she comes across with her closed mouth smile, flashy eyeshadow, and slender face pressed against mine as we're taking a picture. All she cares about is money. money. money. What happened to quality time with family? I love her so much. I miss her so much. I just want to know what I ever did to deserve this. Another person I tried to go to for consolation is my cousin Soy. He was the only boy in the house that we lived in and I practically raised him to stay a boy. We were always close and I emphasize were. Recently he has also changed. He changed before too but it wasn't so drastic as it is now. He's cocky and over confident all because he got a job (that his mom had to get him and he didn't even want to fucken try at first.. we forced him) and because he has friends. Before he got this job he was just a regular student, but the bad thing was that he would go out EVERYSINGLEDAY till whenever with the car he had. He was wasting gas every single day just to drive to stupid places like the hookah lounge and far places that his car can't even go without breaking down. His car finally gave out and he ended up getting the job. He now shares a truck with his mother and it's been about a month or so. He goes to school and goes to work. He still goes out after work, before work, ditches school to go out, and on his days off OUT. He spends money on gas when he doesn't even NEED to go. He can get a ride from someone else... but it's because those 'friends' of his catch rides with him that he has to always drive. He was a very sweet and understanding child .. and now he talks back, snarls, and gives attitude to his mom when she really needs to go to work and takes the car. He dislikes taking her to work and always drops annoying, obvious, hints that he wants his own car. Eventually my aunt got tired and took him and he doesn't get a car. After the trouble of going there and surprisingly finding out my aunt is eligible for a few cars he says he doesn't want any. He is picky and wants the best and brand new car. But earlier he says he just wants a car. He wants a car that everyone has or is appealing to everyone .. and much more expensive rather than four wheels that can get you places. The only thing he talks to me about when I even see him... is CAR CAR CAR CAR CAR MONEY CAR MONEY. I really don't give a shit anymore and I just let it go through my ear and out the other because its utter non sense. Also housing a just turned 17 year old girl at their apartment letting her eat their food, cook their food, use their water, STEAL*coughuse his sisters and mothers clothes and shoes, sleeping there every night like she lives there. She doesn't even go to school and she dates my other cousin on another side of the family. She stays with one of my cousins and is fucking my other cousin. He uses money on her.. buys her food. Offers the food and drinks I bought him to this girl and it just irritates me. He never calls me anymore nor does he text or hangout with me anymore. It's the same situation with my sister. And his cellphone is under my name and he isn't respecting me at all or paying his portion until recently of course. He doesn't give me any respect because he thinks he's so cool because he has a job of wiping windows and changing oil at a car shop and has friends that want to hangout with him every single day, juice his cigarettes, he pays for food, lets them stay at his apartment, and waste their whole day at the hookah lounge doing nothing and rotting their brains and wasting their money on UGLY COMMON CARS and dressing them up in stupid shit that should be on a car or in that car in the first place. I loss two close family members. I get lonely because they aren't here for me.. even though I was there for them. I worked twoish three years to help them when they needed it. I gave up school for them. It's like nothing matters. I don't matter to them.
sorry if there are mistakes. I'm too lazy to revise reread edit.